In the Cards
In the Cards
by Noreen Ocampo
Sticky Notes is a monthly column by Noreen Ocampo, who very much wants to say: Hi, welcome back to my channel! While I can’t provide perfectly cinematic color-grading or lofi beats in the background, I’d like to offer you an amalgamation of the happier dust collecting in my notes app. This column is an attempt at practicing gratitude, learning optimism, and formally asking the universe to allow me at least one nice thought to share with you all each month. And since I am a writer (but unfortunately not also a Youtuber), I’m sure there will be some literary discussion along the way. Let’s get started.
I’ve recently spent many pockets of free-ish time voraciously watching pick-a-card tarot readings on Youtube. Maybe you know the ones: “<3 ALL ABOUT YOUR SOULMATE <3 DETAILED AND ACCURATE <3,” “PICK A CARD ~ what career is meant for you?,” “What Do You Need to Hear **RIGHT NOW**?” And as clickbaity and emoji-laden these titles tend to be, I click every. single. time.
I know what you’re thinking. But before you poke around on our website and type out a sympathetic, well-wishing email to COUNTERCLOCK with “Attn: Noreen” in the subject line, I’m okay. Really, I promise! I’m no longer too impatient to discover who this alleged soulmate might be (although I hear they’re a hard worker and someone I might already know). I have somewhat of an idea about what these next few years might look like career-wise, and in terms of what I need to hear **RIGHT NOW**, it’s almost always along the lines of: take time to relax, and remember that good things are on the horizon.
These intoxicatingly clickable videos weren’t my first exposure to tarot. In November of last year, I booked a reading with a friend, and as I listened to the recording she sent, I was amazed at how much of me she saw in the cards. She correctly deduced that I rely on work as a coping mechanism and affirmed the difficult coexistence of anxiety, self-doubt, and an unerasable need to keep proving and improving myself regardless. She then paused for a moment before saying that these emotions feel like they’ve been clouding me for a very long time. Then it began to look up.
You’re trying to figure out what makes you happy, she said. You are more than your work ethic. Joy is coming back into your life. You are undergoing this undeniable, unstoppable transformation.
A tapestry of the Three of Cups I’ve put up in my room recently. This is probably my favorite tarot card; it reminds me of my friends and how grateful I am to have them in my life.
So let’s return to the image of me slouched in front of my whirring laptop at 2:23AM, my Youtube feed filtered to nothing but tarot videos. Is this joy? Where is the undeniable, unstoppable undergoing?
While you may be thinking something between certainly not and certainly not here, I’d like to think that my friend was right last November as I listened to her read my cards, once at the edge of my seat and again in the middle of the night when even my noisy gamer brother was asleep, so I could make sure I didn’t miss a word. Somewhere behind all the uncertainty and doubt I had been harboring for myself, I knew things were beginning to look up. I was writing poetry again. I was getting to know new and incredible artist-friends and had found the Filipinx community I had wanted since I was a kid. I was having fun.
But I hadn’t internalized the reality of these things until that first tarot reading. I was so used to viewing myself as a plastic bag careening in the wrong direction that it was difficult to believe that life was looking up, even as these transformations were taking place right in front of me, but tarot reminds me of how things are constantly shifting even when I don’t see it happening.
I don’t mean to imply that it’s been nothing but smooth-sailing and I’ve had no trouble believing in my transformation since then. Sometimes I still spend what-should-be-homework-nights hoping a tarot reader on Youtube will tell me that the person I have in mind is thinking of me, too. Sometimes they do.
“Maybe it all comes down to humans being able to create a mirror self to believe in.”
These days, I feel more open to the future, and I appreciate pick-a-card readings and tarot in general for reminding me of the multitude of possibilities that exist, especially in moments when my optimism leaves me behind. Even if the messages I receive aren’t exactly what I’d been wanting, these instances help me detach from cyclical thoughts or behaviors that may not serve me in the long run, and I’ve yet to experience a reading that was unhelpful or discouraging.
In Sarah Feng’s words, maybe it all comes down to humans being able to create a mirror self to believe in. I’ve heard that tarot is meant to affirm what we already know intuitively, and if we can bring ourselves to truly believe that we are worthy and capable of attaining and receiving good fortune, we begin to think and act in ways that attract what we desire into our lives, thus fulfilling the promises that tarot readings often provide us.
Deep down, perhaps we know that opportunities and fulfillment are on the way, but when these thoughts get drowned out by the stronger, heavier ones, it’s comforting to hear someone else remind you. I’ve actually started reading tarot, too, in hopes that I can begin to provide these reminders for myself and others.
I want to attempt to share this experience with everyone reading right now. While the Youtube tarot readings often relay their messages by having you first pick from three to five gemstones, I’d like to do very general readings on the topics of love, career, and mental health/well-being to see what advice or messages my tarot deck has for us collectively. I’m very much a beginner, but I hope that you stumble across a reminder that makes today a little easier. Please take what you need and leave the rest!
ON LOVE
Left to right: The Star in reverse, King of Swords, Ace of Cups, Page of Cups in reverse
I like how these cards fit together as a story. With the first card, The Star in reverse, many of us may be feeling unconfident or doubtful about love at the moment, regardless of whether we are in a relationship or not. Upright, The Star shows someone gazing into a pool of water (I’m reminded of Eve in Milton’s Paradise Lost), nourishing the land around them, but since the card is in reverse, this care may not be happening.
I’m reading the King of Swords as a reminder for us to remember our worth, even if we may not be giving ourselves enough love or feel unlucky when it comes to romance. If we can do this, the Ace of Cups promises us a new beginning and emotional fulfillment, whether in an existing relationship that may be experiencing a rough patch or as a new relationship altogether, for those looking for love. In this scenario, the imagery on the Ace of Cups also gives me a sense of self-fulfillment, as the cup pours into the body of water on its own and without aid from a person.
The Page of Cups also appears in reverse, which calls back to the lack of confidence and presence of doubt from The Star in reverse. Alternatively, the Page of Cups might represent a person for some of us, who could be a new person coming into some people’s lives despite also feeling a bit insecure about love. Either way, I think what’s most important here is the Ace of Cups and its promise of future emotional fulfillment.
ON CAREER
Left to right: Five of Cups, Six of Cups in reverse, King of Cups, Knight of Wands, Queen of Pentacles
An extra card fell out of my deck as I was shuffling for the career reading, but I’m glad it did. The two cards at the top, the Five of Cups and Six of Cups in reverse, suggest that many of us may be feeling discontent or frustrated with work right now. With the Six of Cups being in reverse, there’s a sense of being stuck in the past or old ways, as the card upright would show us a nostalgic image of childhood. The Five of Cups also clearly conveys discontentment, but it’s one of my favorite cards. As you can see, the figure is upset about the three cups in front of them that have fallen over but does not realize that two cups are standing behind them, perfectly fine. Sooner or later, we are bound to realize that new opportunities or paths that we hadn’t considered are available to us.
This idea reminds me of the Knight of Wands, who is excited and ready to take on these new opportunities. As we become more aware of other routes to explore in our work, I think we will find ourselves sharing the energy and eagerness as the Knight of Wands. The King of Cups suggests balance between our emotions and intellect, and I believe we will feel more of his balance as we lean into the Knight of Wands, meaning that taking risks or trying new things in work will likely be rewarding. Lastly, the Queen of Pentacles reiterates the hopeful message, promising stability and abundance. Perhaps we will begin to feel like the Queen of Pentacles as we make progress as well, or we may meet someone who will mentor or support us along the way.
ON MENTAL HEALTH/WELL-BEING
Left to right: Four of Swords in reverse, Queen of Pentacles in reverse, Page of Wands in reverse, Ten of Cups in reverse, Queen of Wands, Seven of Cups in reverse, Five of Pentacles in reverse
For this last reading, where I set the intention of receiving advice for our collective well-being, we have a few more cards. Upright, the first card, the Four of Wands, shows us a moment of calm and rest. In reverse, however, as it is here, the card implies an awakening but is interrupted by the next cards, which provide insight to potential sources of imbalance. With the fourth card, the Ten of Cups, being in reverse, we lack the harmony and emotional fulfillment of the upright meaning; perhaps this is because many of us are still experiencing isolation or even conflict with those around us. The Page of Wands in reverse conveys feelings of aimlessness, boredom, or an uncertainty of how to proceed, which is also echoed in the Seven of Cups in reverse, which implies lack of clarity or direction. We have the Queen of Pentacles again, but in reverse as well, which may point to troubles with money or envy.
In contrast with these various potential struggles, the Queen of Wands is a proud and confident figure who reminds us to stay strong and also points to more fortunate times coming soon. The very last card in this reading, the Five of Pentacles in reverse, emphasizes this. Upright, the Five of Pentacles shows two people out in the snow by themselves, separated from the warmth pouring in through the window behind them. But in reverse, this card suggests a period of recovery and improvement for those who need it, and hopefully soon enough we will all feel ourselves taking part of whatever warmth or festivities are behind that stained glass window.
As you probably noticed, throughout these three readings, the cards begin in a place of discontentment or imbalance and progress toward something brighter. This tends to happen when I read tarot for myself, and especially when I have the future in mind, I go in with the intention of looking for an optimistic storyline in the cards. While I know I should also be more open to receiving less positive messages, in practice, the cards generally nod toward improvement in difficult times and affirm good energy during fortunate ones without my having to look very hard.
This is something I love about tarot: even in seemingly negative readings or seemingly negative cards, we can often find promises of transformation, recovery, and better times coming soon. And (spoiler alert) in the time between drafting and finishing up this piece, some of my tarot cards’ fortunate messages have already begun to come true. After what felt like a sudden landslide of internship and poem rejections, I turned the corner and stumbled into my own version of two perfectly fine cups: a handful of exciting yeses and a new mentor to oversee a project for next year. So I’m happy to say that I’m starting to believe in this version of myself that can accomplish everything I desire.
Until next time and wishing you all the luck as well—
if you’d like to join me in my rabbit hole, here are some recent videos by tarot readers I like: a reading on what life will look like three years from now, a reading on your life purpose, and a reading of May 2021 predictions for the zodiac signs.
and this Sticky Note is dedicated to all the tarot readers out there: thank you for your thoughtful, insightful work.
Noreen Ocampo is a Filipina American writer and poet from metro Atlanta. Her work appears or is forthcoming in Taco Bell Quarterly, Hobart, and HAD, among others, and she was also a music fellow in the 2019 COUNTERCLOCK Arts Collective. She studies English, film, and media at Emory University.