NAME: THE GERMAN
OCCUPATION: BUTCHER
DESCRIPTION: The German has extreme stamina. Every weekend he goes hiking in Kainzenbad alone with his Weimaraner Fritz, who hunts rabbits but has a deep aversion to ducks. He owns the Butcher shop together with his wife Astrid. He cuts the meat while listening to music from Bayern until Astrid gets annoyed and says “mach mal den lärhm aus!” He usually turns it on louder until she slams her fingers down on the radio off button. The thing’s only broken once despite the force.
NAME: THE LESBIAN
OCCUPATION: ARTIST
DESCRIPTION: As a lesbian, her go-to outfit is cuffed loose jeans and a flannel button-up. She hates wearing shoes, and even though state law doesn’t require footwear, going barefoot into the supermarket gives her serious side-eye from both her partner and fellow shoppers. She’s an ambivert and seems to always crave green grapes chilled in the fridge for two hours. She wants to live in a van for a year to get away from New York City loneliness.
NAME: THE THERAPIST
OCCUPATION: PSYCHOTHERAPIST
DESCRIPTION: The therapist teaches her clients meditation and self-healing, neither of which she actually practices on her own time. She has her own therapist whom she complains to about her marriage problems and a narcissistic client named Kevin. She only pretends to be interested in your childhood stories and your mid-life crisis at thirty. Her desk is extremely well organized, a falsehood used to entice her clients. At the dentist you get a free toothbrush, from the psychotherapist you get an assortment of multi-colored Adderall, Prozac and Xanax pills.