Smokey Like Butterscotch

John Jeng

Depression didn’t follow a calendar. Whenever you find yourself in a jam, a mess, a pickle, you can usually find the way out by retracing your steps—like solving a cereal box maze by starting backwards. Fortunately, Rei had kept a journal of our time in southern Ohio, now a memory in the rearview mirror. When she fell into a catatonic state, I filled in the gaps of the last two months that began when Erin drove us to the Oberlin Cat Farm.

“I’m really looking forward to getting a new kitten,” Erin said. “The first pet Quin and I ever had was a Siberian tabby named Bailey. What kind of cat do you think Jayden will get, Rei?”

Rei’s reflection yawned in the passenger-side window, a baseball cap drawn low over her bangs. I saw my future stepmom cutting side eyes at her, then trying to save face by turning on the radio. Someone named Dolly Parton scrolled across the marquee, begging someone named Jolene not to steal her man.

“Ooh, my mother used to sing this song to us,” Erin said excitedly. “Back when we summered on Nantucket, we were self-conscious about our red hair. I’d love to revisit the sandbars, sit around a bonfire, catch up with some old friends, you know?”

“You can’t repeat the past,” Rei said. She uncapped the ballpoint side of her vape pen and scribbled something into her journal. Out came the page and into my hand.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“A secret,” she said, dragging out the syllables in our native Japanese.

“Hello? I’m here, too,” Erin said. “It’s rude to exclude me from your little conversation. We’ll need to be more transparent if we’re going to be a family.”

I read the note. You always have a choice. You can still refuse. I slipped her advice into my jeans.

“Well, why shouldn’t I have a cat?” I asked. “Uncle Quin said I earned it after my speech at the coming-of-age ceremony and I got the principal’s laurels at my graduation, isn’t that right, Erin?”

“I don’t really care about that. Don’t end your statements as questions,” Rei said.

“Ahem.” Erin’s voice had a definite edge now. “That language is unbecoming and has to stop, okay?”

But Rei rolled her eyes, unfazed. “It doesn’t matter that you got some arbitrary award. I made salutatorian in high school and still ended up in freelance graphic design.”

Erin pulled over to the side of the road. She cut the engine just as the first raindrops of summer pitter-pattered onto the windshield. I had a bad feeling about this. Storms got pretty dicey during Ohio’s muggy summers.

“Rei, I told you to knock it off. Apologize now.”

“Why?” Rei said. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” I interjected, “Rei doesn’t say that stuff to be mean. We’re just talking.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, Jay, don’t call your own mother by her first name.”

I bit my lip. I hadn’t volunteered three months at an animal shelter because I wanted a cat. I needed one.

“It’s really okay. I’m used to it. Can we please just move on?”

“See, that’s my point exactly.” She turned accusingly to Rei. “Your teenage son still makes excuses for you. The world’s messed up enough as it is. The least we can do is to raise our children in a positive, affirming environment.”

“What children?” Rei said. “I only have one.”

“We can talk about that later, but we’re not going anywhere until you apologize.”

“Fine. Jayden, I’m sorry for being a bitch. I’m proud of you for graduating at the tippy-top of your middle school.”

“Have you been taking your meds?” Erin asked suddenly.

“Why?”

“Rei, I’m your partner. Don’t you think that’s something I ought to know?”

“Yeah, I’ve taken them. Happy?”

“God, what’s with that blasé attitude? You’re not getting hypomanic on me, are you?”

Rei let out a theatrical sigh. “Nah, I’m just worried about how much this cat will cost. Purebreds are expensive, and I don’t have much money. We should’ve just adopted one from the shelter.”

“Is that what you’re unhappy about?” Erin’s features softened. Her ruby-red lips curled into a sympathetic smile. She took off Rei’s baseball cap and tucked her bangs behind her ears.

“Baby, I told you I’d pay for it, remember? Sarah Oberlin was recommended by a friend of the church. Everything’s under control.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” Erin said solemnly. “Jay, could you look away for a minute?”

The scene turned into Black Mirror. Erin always made the first move, and the windows fogged up with their primordial passions. My palms felt sweaty. I swallowed something sweet, something smokey like butterscotch. I wanted a cat because it was important that Rei avoided the bad place. For her sake, I hoped she was doing the right thing marrying Erin. In the distance, the sky rumbled and ushered in the summer monsoon.

The breeder introduced herself as Sarah, a bespectacled woman working out of an RV marked “Cattery” on the door.

“Y’all sure picked a gullywasher of a day to come,” she said. She put on a serial killer’s raincoat and led us toward a double-wide trailer at the end of a gravel lane.

“So, sweetie, I heard someone’s getting a cat today. How old are you?”

“Thirteen,” I said, raising my umbrella to cover Rei.

“Thirteen!” she said with mock incredulity. “And here I thought you were ten. What’s your sister’s name?”

“She’s my mom,” I said.

“Mercy,” Ms. Oberlin gasped.

Erin had had the same reaction when we first arrived in America. She covered her mouth when she saw her college girlfriend unchanged after fifteen years. She showed me a home video of the eighteen-year-old Rei with sun-kissed skin, dancing in a graphic tee and size-zero cutoffs. Of course, I was aware of how Rei presented to the rest of the world. It didn’t bother me, except when strangers found her attractive, which was often.

“Hey Sarah,” Erin said. “I’d like you to meet my fiancée. This is Rei Suzuki and my future stepson, Jayden. We’re getting a cat as a present for our new family.”

For a split second, Ms. Oberlin wrinkled her nose to an unaccustomed reality. Then she cracked a Jack Nicholson smile. “Yes, of course. Pleased to meet you, Rei.”

Rei dropped the brim of her cap and coughed something in Japanese.

“My mom’s from Japan, and says she has a cold,” I translated. Ms. Oberlin glanced apologetically at Erin.

“Pardon me, I just assumed she spoke English.”

“Oh, she speaks English, all right,” Erin said, turning livid. “I’m so sorry about this. My fiancée can be difficult sometimes.”

“Don’t worry about it,” the breeder said. “I understand why some folks feel safer in the closet. But congratulations on your engagement. She’ll make a lovely bride.”

Ms. Oberlin stopped in front of a padlock and turned the key. The door creaked open, and a cacophony of meows filled the musty air. There must’ve been a hundred cats kept in chain-link cages like factory-farm chickens.

“There’s not a lot of sunlight here,” I said. “Do people really buy kittens through the door?”

“Well, my distributor sells the lion’s share, but I get referrals from time to time. Why don’t you go check out the Maine Coons? One of my queens just had a litter a few weeks ago.”

She waved her hand toward the middle distance where a large tabby was splayed on a Formica table with six spackle-colored kittens suckling at her side.

“Is that the queen?” I asked.

“Yup, and you can pick any of her kitties.”

Down the aisle were cats with long fur, short fur, orange, calico, tabby, and matted fur, locked in woebegone cages, like the place was designed to make outsiders uncomfortable.

Rei tsked, which was what I was thinking.

“Babe, can you come out here a minute?” Erin called.

Rei squeezed my hand. When I shrugged, she turned toward the slant of light by the door.

Some of the cats had half-eaten ears. Some had black sludge dripping from the corners of their eyes. One even had a tick on its haunches swollen to the size of a quarter. Above me in barred cabinets were the pregnant queens reposing like sphinxes. Their eyes gleamed blue and yellow. I petted the tabby that had given birth recently.

“Poor thing,” I said. “How long have you suffered this imperial affliction?”

They stood under an awning sheltered from the rain. Erin’s arm wrapped around Rei as Ms. Oberlin whistled at their engagement rings. Three karats each, Erin claimed.

“Rei, let’s go,” I whispered in passing.

“Little boy,” the breeder called. “Did you find one you liked?”

“I think I’m more of a dog person,” I said, letting Rei under my umbrella.

“Maine coons are the dogs of the cat world, you silly-billy.”

We walked away, letting Erin make our excuses.

“How rude was that?” Erin said, catching up.

“I don’t care about rude,” Rei said. “We shouldn’t be here. This isn’t a cat farm, it’s a cat jail.”

“Really, you went there?” Erin said, temples pulsing. “Do you think Sarah can breed cats for twenty-one years without passing inspection each year? This is a CFA-licensed operation and one-hundred-percent legal.”

“Licensed or not, I’m not patronizing a kitten mill.”

“Look, you act like a spoiled child every time we go out. Why don’t you wait in the car, and I’ll help Jayden find a cat without you?”

“Who’s spoiled? You bought me a blood diamond ring so you could show off.”

Erin looked as though Rei had slapped her. As she handed over the keys, she muttered, “I’m the one paying, though.”

Once Rei had gone, Erin met my eyes with her steely blue ones.

“Jayden, honey, will you do me a favor when we get home? I want you to check your mom’s medicine vials every day to see if she’s really taking them.”

“You want me to spy on her?”

“No, spying’s a bad word,” Erin said. “I have to work, and it’s better if you do it.”

“What if I get caught?”

“Then you can tell her you were concerned but leave my name out of it. As a minor, you have plausible deniability.”

I dropped my gaze to the Merino-wool shoes on my feet. Her brother Quin had given them to me at my coming-of-age commencement ceremony.

Erin cupped my face with her pale fingers. “Look at me, Jay. What happened last time was bad enough. I can’t guarantee her future if she doesn’t take her meds. Do you understand me?”

“Alright, I’ll do it,” I said glumly.

“Good boy. Now, come on.”

“Back already?” Ms. Oberlin said. “Did you have any questions?”

“Yes. Where is the kittens’ father?” Erin asked.

“Oh, the studs? My ex-husband takes care of them. They get territorial around the queens.”

“Can we see them?”

“Well, they’re not for sale, but there is one more I can show you. I was thinking I’d make him a stud when the time was right. He’s in my office. This way.”

We followed Ms. Oberlin back to her drug-dealer Winnebago. Inside was a full-scale FEMA disaster, though I tried not to let it show. When she opened the door to her bedroom, however, a black cat in an overhead compartment peered down at us like a raven.

“He’s a six-month-old, purebred Maine Coon, and has all his shots. He might be a bit aloof at first, but he’s pretty friendly once he gets to know you.”

“That’s a huge kitten,” Erin said. “What’s his name?”

“Pluto. Bonus points if you know where that’s from.” She winked at me.

“Edgar Allan Poe’s The Black Cat,” I said. “Or the Roman god of the Underworld.”

Ms. Oberlin seemed taken aback. “Well, aren’t you a smart cookie?”

“It’s nothing. My English teacher was a fan of American gothic.”

“Why, I believe I misspoke earlier when I called you a little boy. You’re actually a young man, aren’t you?”

“Do you have any kids?” I asked.

“I have a son, but I can’t remember the last time Henry Jr. cracked open a book. He’d rather go hunting or fishing with his dad, but I suppose boys will be boys.”

“Oh, I know, I’m a librarian,” Erin said. “It’s so hard to get boys to read these days.”

“So how long have you been dating his mother?”

“Well, we dated briefly in college before I graduated, but we reconnected three years ago. Then came last year’s Supreme Court ruling that legalized our union. We’ve saved the date for August at the Unitarian Church of Athens.”

“Oh, how wonderful. Your family’s Unitarian then?”

“Just my twin brother and me. Our mother was a minister before she passed, god rest her soul. We planned a simple ceremony with some friends and coworkers.” Erin laid a hand on my shoulder. “So, Jay, what will it be?”

The cat reminded me of Rei. I knew from volunteering at the animal shelter that cats groomed themselves with their sandpaper tongues, though you still had to brush them occasionally. His midnight ruff was glossy like the thousands of times I’d brushed Rei’s long hair. When I held out my hand, the cat extended his big paw to shake. He blinked slowly with golden eyes like we’d just signed a contract.

“He’s perfect,” I said.

Erin beamed. “Then we’ll take him. How much?”

Ms. Oberlin adjusted her cat-eyed rims. “The thing about Pluto is that I was planning to stud him. He’s a black cat, which is rare, and a polydactyl, which is even rarer.”

“Okay, we understand how rare he is, but you haven’t studded him yet, right? So he’s technically still a kitten.”

“According to the CFA price guide, his pedigree is worth at least $3,500.”

My stomach dropped. I shouldn’t have been so eager. Rei’s words, you can still refuse burned in my pocket, but I couldn’t imagine leaving the one-hundred-percent perfect cat with a shady breeder.

“Is there a cash discount?” asked Erin.

The seller licked her lips. “Why, yes. What’s a few hundred when you’re starting a family? I can let Pluto go for $3200, and I’ll even throw in his carrier.”

My mouth shriveled. Rei wasn’t even allowed to have a credit card, yet Erin didn’t bat an eye peeling a roll of Benjamins out of her designer handbag. Was there a right thing to do in this situation?

I renamed my cat Butterscotch. Erin didn’t think the name fit a black cat, but Butterscotch took to it immediately. He vanished like smoke into the nooks and crannies of the house. We were rained-in anyway, so by the time July came around, I had trained him to come when I called.

Rei sat on the alcove seat beside the bay window. She always took advantage of the early mornings when she was the most creative to work on her manuscript.

“Hey Rei,” Quin said. “I’d like to know if you’ve decided on the plan yet.”

The ginger-bearded twin tapped Rei’s shoulder as she typed away on her laptop. When it became clear she wasn’t giving him the time of day, he grabbed her vial of Risperidone and shook it in her ear.

“You’re a selfish woman,” he said. “Do you know how much my sister has sacrificed for you?”

Rei coughed.

Around mid-morning, Rei snapped her laptop shut, and we started on chores around the house. We washed the dishes, filled Butterscotch’s bowls, polished the bay windows, and vacuumed the carpets. At noon, it was still raining cats and dogs. Rei disappeared into the bathroom for her daily dose of fluoxetine, then emerged, asking to go out for afternoon tea.

We drove to a café where Rei did some graphic design projects for her clients. She ordered a flat white. I got a butterscotch latte to see if it was as good as I remembered back in Japan. It was pretty bad, like my attempts to draw the café’s interior.

I showed Rei my least bad sketch. She examined it, then at the room and shook her head.

“Nope. Your vanishing points are missing the horizontal line. The depth here is all wrong.”

I shut my sketchbook and shoved my drawing materials into my bag. Having put me through five years of art classes, Rei usually liked my croquis, but lately, I couldn’t draw anything worth a damn.

“What’s wrong?” she said.

“I know what you’ve been doing with your meds,” I said.

“What are you talking about?”

“What did Quin mean this morning when he said you were being selfish?”

“Hm, you shouldn’t eavesdrop on other people’s conversations.”

I balled my hands into fists. “Erin’s worried about you.”

“Oh?”

“She asked me to spy on you, you know.”

“And what did you say?”

“I told her you hadn’t missed a single dose.”

Rei grinned. “You did the right thing. Erin thinks she’s my knight in shining armor, but she has no idea what it feels like. She bought you a cat to leverage you against me.”

“Are you saying I was wrong to let her?”

“I don’t know. They say the one who saves a cat will be saved by the cat in return. Macaron?”

She offered me her sandwich cookie. I couldn’t take it. The wedding was only a month away, and while I was grateful to have a home with Erin and Quin, I knew my relationship with Rei would irrevocably change once the minister blessed their union.

“Rei, do you love Erin?” I asked.

She shrugged.

“You used to be so mad about her. Why do you flinch every time she touches you?”

“Hm, do I?”

“Yes! Erin just wants the best for you, and you keep fighting her. Why did you really stop taking your meds?”

Rei refilled her glass with water and drank with slow contemplation.

“Erin’s trying to control me, but the joke’s on her. My mind’s only gotten more lucid since I started flushing those drugs. I’ve been having a recurring dream. There’s a flag flying in a courtyard somewhere. I don’t know what flag that was, but we’re supposed to go there, I can feel it.”

Rei kept up a straight face speaking in a dreamy voice that wasn’t her own. I had experienced Rei’s emotional drive-bys before, but this was dangerous territory. She did reckless things when she felt trapped.

I inched toward her keys, but Rei swiped them first.

“Don’t you trust me, Jayden? You’ve only been my best friend for the last thirteen years.” She began to pout and her eyes darted to the door.

“Rei, remember when you first brought me to this country, and Erin took us in? She let us live with her for three years. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”

“For your information, she took advantage of me while I was vulnerable, but I’m not marrying her. She can’t make me.”

Rei dropped her engagement ring in the pitcher, which struck me as incredibly callous.

“You’ll be fine when you start taking your meds again,” I said, fishing out the ring. “Everyone gets nervous before they get married.”

“Erin’s got her own agenda. She made me take olanzapine last month and I gained twenty pounds. Whose side are you on anyway?”

“I’m on your side. It’s just—”

As if on cue, Rei’s phone lit up the table, playing a preset ringtone. Rei pressed a finger to her lips as Gwen Stefani belted the lyrics of Don’t Speak.

That ringtone could only mean one person, I thought, and Rei wanted it to go to voice mail. I wasn’t letting that happen though.

“Hello, Erin?”

Pause.

“Is that you, Jayden?” came Erin’s voice.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, it’s me.”

“Where’s your mother?”

Rei made cutting gestures for me to hang up. “She, uh—she’s just using the restroom.”

“Well, I just finished my shift at the library. Do you want me to bring home any books?” The question was too ordinary, and I had to remind myself that Erin didn’t know Rei was crashing.

“No, I should be good.”

“While I have you on the line, did you check your mom’s meds today? Is she taking them?”

I turned to Rei. Her hands were folded, pleading with me. I sighed.

“No, she hasn’t taken them in three weeks. She might be flushing them.”

A heavy silence followed.

“Okay, pin your location for me. Quin and I will be there as soon as we can. If anything bad happens, call the police.”

Rei shot me a look of pure hatred. “I never thought you’d betray me like this.”

She stood up and pushed open the door, running out into the pouring rain.

“Wait, stop!”

“Jay, your location?” Erin’s voice came more urgently than before.

I cursed. “Sorry, I have to go.”

Rei weaved through the parking lot. The engine started. I jumped in her path, shutting my eyes and believing that if Rei wanted to run me over, she wouldn’t do it in front of witnesses.

Her tires screeched. When I did not die, I climbed onto the hood and dialed 9-1-1. She stepped out, slipping into sneakers before bolting away.

9-1-1, what is your emergency?

It was all I could do to keep up while talking to the dispatcher. While Rei was used to running marathons, I was completely winded after a few minutes of being buffeted by the rain. She dashed into a boggy field where each step made a disgusting squelch. My shoes were ruined.

“Mom, wait for me!” I screamed.

Mom? Had I really called her that? Rei turned around from fifty yards away and charged. She seized me by my shirt collar. Her hair hung like dark tendrils, and her eyes were bleeding mascara. She had stepped outside her mind.

“You don’t get to call me ‘Mom’ after you threw me under the bus,” she snarled.

“Mom, you’re hurting me.”

There was that word again. I felt a sting across my cheek and realized she had slapped me.

“Mom, stop!”

She slapped me again.

“Don’t call me that. It’s just ‘Rei.’”

“Okay, Rei.” I grabbed her hand with both of mine, hoping to bring her back to neutral. “Do you know why I adopted Butterscotch?”

“What are you talking about?”

“He was the most beautiful cat I’d ever seen. I couldn’t leave him with that woman because I saw you in him.”

“Liar. You talked. I trusted you.”

“I was trying to help you because I love you.”

“Prove it.”

“The day you burned the charcoal in our apartment, I brought home a ribbon from my first art contest. It was your portrait that won. You’ve always been my hero.”

Rei drove her other fist into my stomach. It felt conflicted. Part of her was throttling her power.

“Rei, I love you,” I tried again. “If the world went to hell, I still would.”

Her shoulders slumped as I held her. She began to cry, her chest heaving against mine. She collapsed into the mud when the sirens arrived.

“Jayden, have a seat. We need to talk.”

Uh-oh. I sat on the bench opposite the twins with Butterscotch beside me. I looked from Erin to Quin, both dressed in leather, with ivory faces and steely blue eyes. They were synchronized like Andy Warhol’s Mao portraits that hung in the living room. For two weeks, they had quarantined Rei in the guest room. I sat at her bedside, recording my thoughts in her journal, sometimes playing the ocarina as she stared at the ceiling.

“My mom’s taking all her meds now. I’ve been making sure.”

“We know,” Erin said briskly, “and we appreciate you doing that. We’re glad she’s on the mend, but you should know that actions have consequences.”

“Are you calling off the wedding?” I asked.

“Of course not,” Erin said. “Tell him, Quin. I just can’t right now.”

“Look Jayden,” Quin said. “Erin’s not just my sister, she’s my twin, right? That means we look out for each other no matter what. Her problems are my problems, and I’m a solutions manager. Once Rei is married to my sister, she’ll have access to healthcare and all the drugs she needs. This will be your permanent home. You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

“Sure,” I said slowly.

“Here’s the rub though. Erin and I have worked very hard these last three years to make sure Rei didn’t have another episode. We know there aren’t any guarantees when it comes to her condition, but an episode due to negligence is simply not acceptable. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I know—”

“No, Jayden,” Erin snapped, “the point is you don’t know. You lied by omission. You can’t wait three weeks to tell me about something as crucial as your mom flushing her meds.”

“Well, I didn’t know for sure,” I said defensively. “It’s not like I was going into the bathroom with her.”

“Don’t be a smart aleck. Your responsibility was to tell me when she wasn’t cooperating. Her symptoms were appearing more and more frequently, and you did nothing.”

Her remark hurt both my pride and my heart. It wasn’t fair for her to accuse me of doing nothing when I’d been helping Rei my entire life. When we lived in Japan, there were days when she’d oversleep like she was doing now, and I would coax her out of bed with instant noodles, the only thing my five-year-old brain knew how to make. On more normal days, I pulled her to the gym at the community center to run on the treadmill or lift some weights. If she didn’t, her muscles would’ve atrophied, and I couldn’t let her go down that road. After all, Rei was my best friend. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

“I know this is difficult for you to hear, but Erin’s only saying this because she genuinely cares about your mother,” Quin said. “The effects of kindling may be irreversible.”

“What’s kindling?” I asked.

“You don’t even know what kindling is?” Erin scoffed. Her smug emanations were getting on my nerves, and I considered myself a pretty patient person.

“Imagine you’re building a fire,” Quin said. “You can use smaller, more flammable pieces of wood to help catch fire on larger pieces that don’t burn as easily. Each time Rei misses a dose, pathways inside her central nervous system that lead to future episodes are reinforced as she becomes desensitized to SSRIs. Eventually, her brain will petrify like deadwood that the medications can’t kindle.”

“Could you imagine what would’ve happened if she turned manic at the wedding?” Erin said. “And I thought you were smart for getting the principal’s laurels. Clearly, I was mistaken.”

“I called the cops like you told me,” I said. “I stopped her from driving away.”

“And they almost arrested her for disorderly conduct. Bottom line, she’s my fiancée, not yours. Or were you going to reimburse me for the $250 fine I paid to the county?”

I gritted my teeth. Under the table, my hands had balled into fists. I nudged Butterscotch off my lap before things could escalate.

“It’s okay, Jayden. My sister isn’t really mad at you,” Quin said.

“Like hell I’m not, I’m outraged. I really am,” Erin said. “He could’ve reined in the situation before it got to that stage. What if there had been permanent neurological damage?”

“Well, there wasn’t, so cut him some slack, okay? He’s only thirteen,” the bearded twin said. “The question now is where we go from here. You’ve broken our trust, Jayden. We need new rules to restore it.

“Listen carefully,” Erin said, “because these are my terms, and they are not negotiable as long as you’re living under our roof.”

She raised her index finger. “The first rule is that you will personally give Rei the pills and have her say ‘ahh’ after every dose.”

“I’m not going to jam the pills down her throat,” I objected.

Erin raised her middle finger. “Second, you will submit Rei’s travel plans to me at the beginning of each day and alert me whenever she takes a detour.”

“But that’s draconian,” I said.

Erin raised her ring finger. “Third, Rei will attend weekly meetings with a psychologist for a mental health evaluation. There will be consequences for both of you should she fail to follow her doctor’s recommendations.”

“Are you threatening me?”

Quin and Erin exchanged a look that told me this was a set-up. I’d seen this good-cop-bad-cop routine on TV enough times to know when I was being manipulated.

“Listen, Jay,” Quin said, “you have to understand that Erin’s doing her best under the circumstances. Rei’s choices don’t just affect her. It affects all of us. Once they’re married, there will be other considerations. Children, for instance.”

“Rei already has me,” I said. “And she’s the author of three books. We’re all the children she has, unless you count the cat.”

Erin stood up abruptly, walked around the table, and sat beside me. I flinched when her icy fingers touched my arm.

“Rei can always write more books, but I’ve sacrificed having a family for my career just as she sacrificed her career to have you. I’m thirty-eight years old. I’ve supported you for the last three years, haven’t I? I think I’ve earned the right to be a mother.”

“And you will be once you marry Rei,” I pointed out. “You’ll be my stepmom.”

“But you’ll never call Erin ‘Mom,’ will you?” Quin said. “You don’t even call your own mother that.”

“Then what are you proposing? That you want to adopt a baby with Rei?”

Erin closed her eyes, her lips forming a thin red line. “I love Rei. That’s why I need our children to look like us.”

I glanced at Erin’s left hand with the ring she’d bought for herself. She didn’t have to spell out her role in their relationship, I already knew she’d make Rei carry the pregnancy if it came to that. Her vanity extended that far.

“We’ll carry on with the wedding as planned,” she continued. “Rei and I will begin the IVF process after our cruise. Quin’s on board every step of the way, isn’t that right?”

Her twin nodded. She turned back to me.

“Don’t be jealous, Jayden. I didn’t have to tell you our plans, but I did. All I ask is that there are no more surprises going forward.”

Oh sure, no more surprises. This explained why Erin couldn’t care less about the cats in cages. Meanwhile, the grandfather clock clicked half-past-nine. I was beset by the tyranny of evil men. And this stupid summer storm still. Wouldn’t. End.

I stood up. “Are we done here? I want to see about Rei.”

Rei was still asleep in the guest room. Her fingernails needed trimming, but the spell was almost over. I took a nail file from the bathroom and began smoothing them down.

Rei had taught me this act of grooming when we lived in our two-room apartment in Japan. She always kept her nails short, because when her hygiene went to hell during manic spells, her fingers couldn’t dance over the keyboard fast enough. She turned the drafts from those periods into printed pages, which she edited using a system of colorful pens circling which darlings to keep, change, and kill.

Ever since I could remember, I’d wake up to find Rei working at the kotatsu. She produced story after story, as though her creativity followed a circadian rhythm. Whenever one would get published in a literary magazine, she’d go to the public bathhouse to celebrate.

At first, she’d take me with her, pushing the bounds of the public’s forbearance for a five-year-old boy to use the women’s bath. We started sharing the bathtub at home when I knew enough to feel embarrassed. It didn’t matter to Rei. She’d joke that I was her anti-animal magnetism charm, as if I didn’t notice all the stares she attracted.

“It’s natural to want to stare,” she’d say when I brought it up. “If staring helps them get the poison out, I can’t blame them. Sometimes I get so thirsty, I can’t hardly stand it.”

But more often than not, the publishers rejected her. After each one, Rei would paint her fingernails black to reflect her mood. Eventually, she became an insomniac, writing and rewriting until dark rims formed around her eyes. Then she’d lie on the futon, flipping the glossy pages of R-18 magazines. She’d hold up a finger to ask for an hour of solitude.

One day, I found her in the bad place. Her sheets were dyed vermillion. The smell was truly rancid. She reached out, croaking, “It hurts, Jayden. Help me.”

“Hey, Jayden, wake up.”

I opened my eyes. I felt my forehead drenched in sweat. The image of Rei lying naked in a pool of her own blood had gotten more lucid these past two weeks.

Rei stood over me, fully clothed, albeit in just a tank top and dolphin shorts. I must’ve fallen asleep in the armchair listening to the drizzle by the window.

“When did you get up?” I asked.

“I’ve been pacing this room for ten years, trying to figure out my dream,” she said.

“The same dream?” I knew better than to contradict her.

“Yep, the one about finding the small town of our destiny. I know where it is now. We just have to follow a star out west.”

“You mean like the three wise men in those nativity scenes?”

“Exactly! I’ve had this dream a hundred times. There’s three of us, you, me, Butterscotch, and we’re driving west. Speaking of which, where’s Butterscotch?”

The black cat shot out from under the bed and ran figure-eights around Rei’s calves. Rei picked him up and rubbed her nose against his face, cooing, “Don’t you want to go down south, Butterscotch?”

Butterscotch meowed.

“I thought you said ‘west.’”

“South, west, it doesn’t matter which way we take to get there as long as we get there. It’s where God promised us refuge. Everything will be okay once we’re there.”

“You never believed in God before,” I reminded her. “How do you know this place even exists?”

“Because it’s written into my heart and in the stars. I can feel it. We’ll get a map at Triple-A since we can’t use my phone lest the Furies track us down.”

“So should we follow a star or a map?” I asked skeptically.

“Both! I got a good look at the flag and the welcome sign in the courtyard. There were three blue stars chasing the word ‘ARKANSAS’ and a star above to guide us to the unincorporated community of Bethlehem. It all makes sense. But we need to go tonight!”

She looked around. “Hey, where’re my keys?”

I took the spare key from my pocket, the one I kept secret from the twins, and held it out to her. She snatched it—then looked a little sheepish in a rare moment of self-reflection.

“I’m sorry, bae. I’m the one who said you had a choice. Will you come with me?”

“You’re my best friend,” I said. “I’ll always choose to go with you.”

She grinned. “Thank you. After everything I put you through, I’m glad you still have faith in me. Go pack as quickly as you can. We have to hurry!”

She dashed out of the room with Butterscotch at her heels.

I caught something glinting on the nightstand. Rei’s engagement ring lay there beside the unmade bed. To buy some time, I made a body-shape out of some pillows and covered it with the sheets.

It was now or never.

I fled.

Writer’s Notebook

Whenever I see a LOST PET sign, I stop to look. It began with one poster in particular, on a stop sign in my neighborhood: MISSING calico named Butterscotch. At the time, I just thought, Butterscotch, what a sweet name for a cat. But as the summer progressed, more posters of missing cats went up, and a rumor floated around that someone was catching them and killing them. I based the cattery described in “Smokey Like Butterscotch” off the reportage from rescue organizations exposing illegal breeding operations in which highly sought-after cat breeds are kept in unsanitary conditions. For example, the narrator Jayden is disgusted by the appalling conditions at the Oberlin Cat Farm but ultimately accepts a Maine Coon from his mother’s fiancée believing that a pet will ease his mother’s depression. So what happens to the cats that are not adopted? Will paying the exorbitant price for one pedigreed cat incentivize more irresponsible breeding? To be sure, a family seeking to adopt a pet is not responsible for the licensed breeder cutting corners, but like the missing cats on the posters, we never really know what’s happening under the surface. That’s why the best thing I believe prospective pet owners can do is to adopt from an animal shelter.

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